I started doing yoga as a little girl when I found my mothers yoga book. She never really used it. I loved to go trough the pages and watch the silhouettes of the body in different positions. I would do the positions on my mothers workout-mat in our living room when nobody was home. In high school I went to classes held by my friends mother. I felt how the positions tested my body and how gradually I got better at them. The part that most people love about yoga is the resting at the end, in Dead Man’s Pose. I hated and absolutely couldn’t stand that part. I couldn’t relax, my mind was everywhere and I was thinking about everything. My muscles tightened and I couldn’t really breath that well, my heart was raising and my tummy started to rumble. I wasn’t in control. I wasn’t in control of my body. I grew up thinking that when you have control of your life you will be happy. And only if you’ve got a plan to follow, study, finish and start working. But I didn’t have a plan. Or at that time I thought I did. But I didn’t even feel secure. How could I relax? I had anxieties about death and about life. As a teenager you don’t get to make your own decisions, and you can feel trapped. Like you’re not living your life as you’re supposed to. The first thing I wanted to do was to travel, get a break from everything and figure things out for myself. And I did. I let things go. Prioritised myself, and listened to what I wanted. In the beginning it was hard. It was like I didn’t know myself. Step by step I learned what I liked and what I disliked. The pressure from the anxiety that I felt tightening in my chest and in my stomach loosened. It let go bit by bit.
In this hectic life we lead we forget to listen to the body and what it’s telling us. And when we finally hit a wall, the aftermath is much worse than it could have been. We pressure ourselves to be perfect and forget to take a timeout. Traumas, maybe from early childhood, or stress can be traced in the body. I’ve learned that mastering something that combines body and mind stimulates our wellbeing. It gives you the positivity to heal. Dancing and Yoga works for me, maybe something else works for you. But at some point you have to confront what lies within, and not let it tear you down. Be proud of who you are! All of you, body and mind!