I’ve been trying to figure out why living here in this student dorm doesn’t feel right. The answer is the loneliness. But even when I’m surrounded by friends I still get this feeling. Something doesn’t feel right.
I’ve grown up in an apartment with my mother and sister. We lived on top of each other. And it could be intense. We all had our lives, but at dinnertime we would gather around the table and talk about our day. We used to watch Friends, comment and laugh together. I’m lucky that I’ve had those moments with my little family. And I miss them.
When I was travelling I saw that these family gatherings are normal custom in most families, to sit around the table and eat together, and talk about our lives. But as a student those moments grow rare. I’ts not unusual for people to feel lonely when you eat dinner alone.
When I was in Ecuador the people there wanted to include me all the time, and the lack of privacy was exhausting. Privacy was something I dreamed of. It’s luxury having a place to yourself, a recreational spot. But privacy is not the same as loneliness. You can feel lonely while you’re amongst your best of friends.
I recently watched a program on TV about dogs and why we humans consider them our best friends, and how they help us live longer. Dogs give us an opportunity to give affection and receive it. And they can’t hurt us with words like humans can. They love us unconditionally, or at least we think so. Maybe with family it’s easier to show that kind of affection than with friends, because they’ve known us our whole life. Thus it’s easier for them to hurt us. We are emotional and social beings and need to somehow keep in a flock.
Don’t underestimate listening to your instincts. The body will express what is happening in your mind.