This Year 2011 has gone by very quickly and very slowly at the same time. The restlessness I’ve had has gotten bigger and bigger, diminished and then risen again. It’s made me very frustrated.  Most of my friends seem to have a sense of belonging, and I’ve been so jealous because I don’t feel that way anywhere. After high school I was so happy that I was free at last, I could finally leave everything behind and start a new life the way I wanted. But to se my friends committing and seeming so content here in Norway baffles me. My question is why? Is it because they’re born here, or is it their families? Maybe I will never understand because I don’t have their kind of family, it’s just my sister, my mother and me. And now I’ve got a stepfather, which is terrific by the way.

The place I’ve stayed the longest was Bergen, almost 6 months, and it made me break down many times. I just didn’t feel at home. The people I hung out with were mostly foreign people, and I lived through them telling me about their countries. I wanted to go so bad, but I had to finish my dreadful theatre science-course.  Nothing really seemed to go my way. The university with their bureaucracy made me end up in my hometown, taking a leave of absence one semester. I went to Spain one month, it was great but I never want to live in Malaga (as I had thought).  In 2012 I will spend one semester in Valencia, I hope it’s a better city. I need to get away again.  I’m used to being a lonesome traveller. I’ve never had anybody fix things for me so I’m used to taking care of things myself. It’s made me very independent, maybe too independent for some.  But I do wish I can find somebody who will accept me for me, and not try to change me.

My new year’s resolutions are:

To not care about what other people think of me or of my life decisions.

To not be so frustrated and restless, like I’ve got little time.

To work together with my little family, and make life as good as possible.

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