I won’t get lost in your world.”

I’m not saying I’m psychotic. I was referring to this song.

But I won’t say I’m normal either.

Some days ago I passed out on the dance floor.  I took my allergy pill before we had some people over, so I took it in hurry with some beer.  I felt very drowsy, but was fit to go out. (I was nowhere near being drunk)

After talking and listening to music we went to a nightclub at 2 am. In Spain you don’t go dancing before 2 or 3 am.  I didn’t drink at the club, was busy dancing. We went outside in the cold air, and when I got inside again I felt weak. Somebody bumped into me and I fell. I woke up on the floor a minute later. The people I was with helped me and we went outside.  They thought I had been drugged. I was okay straight away, only had a strong headache. It was a bit embarrassing. The only thing I could think of was that I had taken my pill with alcohol. The next day I checked it out on the Internet. It said it should never be taken with alcohol, and that you can feel fatigued. I knew my tablets have some side affects, the pharmacists always tell me that this drug makes you very drowsy. I get my drugs on a prescription, and it’s not for some sneezing during springtime.  I’ve got a chronic illness, its’ called cold urticaria. I usually never tell people about it because no one believes me. I’ve had it for years and I absolutely hate it. Knowing that I have to take a pill when it gets cold. I don’t like taking them and usually I don’t. It’s another thing that makes me feel like I don’t fit in. I hate snow, and minus degrees and I’m from Norway!

I was really scared the next day because I’ve never blacked out before. And I felt ashamed when everybody asked me if I was fine. I can’t stand that question, because usually the answer to that question is “no”. But I lie and pretend everything is fine. I don’t like being pitied. I don’t like when people feel sorry for me, like I don’t know how to take care of myself. Well, newsflash I’ve been doing it most of my life. Not everybody gets to have a sane family.

At least now I can cross blacking out of my “things to experience in life”-list. I don’t feel very normal, but what is normal? And yes, I can be a bit psycho at times…


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