Silje Isabel, an ethical brand

Sustainable Fashion

Silje Isabel, an ethical brand

Silje Isabel is a new environmentally friendly clothing brand with production in Norway and Peru. I use exclusive materials such as organic cotton and alpaca wool in the garments.

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The cotton is 100% organic and grown in Peru. Colors are either natural cotton colors like off-white, coffee and avocado or GOTS certified. Since it has not been used artificial colorings, the garments in natural colors will be good for people who suffer from allergies caused by chemicals used for dyeing clothes. I also collaborate with a Fair Trade company in Peru called Aptec, they employ women in impoverished areas and learn them how to knit. This helps them generate an income in regions where it’s hard to find work.

 

Please visit my website to see more of the clothes:

http://www.siljeisabel.no

or press like on my Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/siljeisabel.no/

 

 

En liten appell

Jeg skriver dette mens jeg ser på det slitte huset hvor han slo oss, hvor han låste oss inne…

Hele oppveksten kalte faren min meg for en idiot og fortalte meg at jeg var ubrukelig. Og jeg trodde på det. Etter år med feil valg av menn og mye terapi, traff jeg endelig en som var motsatt av det jeg kjente til fra tidligere. Jeg forsto at jeg er verdt noe selv om faren min sin hånende stemme fortsatt er der. Jeg er lei av å være sint på grunn av alt som har hendt, og vil derfor heller takke de mennene som har forstått at kvinner og menn er likeverdige, som forstår at deres størrelse og styrke ikke er til for å skade og undertrykke, men for å beskytte og verne om kvinnen sin og familien. Det er lett å si, inklusiv for meg selv, at alle menn er drittsekker, men det hadde vært urettferdig å dra alle under en kam. Vi har fortsatt en vei å gå, men la oss heller gå den sammen.

Mvh

Silje P.

 

 

For å være ærlig…

For å være ærlig liker jeg ikke stempelet eller merkelappen emosjonelt ustabil personlighetsforstyrrelse borderline-typen. Det er to negative ord i den beskrivelsen: ”ustabil” og ”forstyrret”. ”Forstyrret” for meg høres sykt ut, jeg er ikke syk for det spurte jeg nemlig terapeutene mine om. Altså, jeg er ikke syk, men går i terapi, da kommer neste spørsmål- hvorfor? Vel, jeg klarer ikke å regulere mitt eget følelsesliv. For meg bygges det for eksempel opp på grunn av flere hendelser i løpet av uken, tilslutt når det toppen og kommer ut i form av gråt, maktesløshet, tanker som tapper meg for viljen til å leve, følelsen av at dette orker jeg ikke mer- jeg orker ikke flere følelser. Da jeg var i tenårene var det mye verre enn nå, jeg kuttet meg, tok piller sammen med alkohol, hele tiden hadde jeg tanker om den ideelle måten å dø på. Men jeg ville ikke dø, jeg bare orket ikke å leve, og hva er da alternativet? Folk generelt tror at jeg bare tåler alt, nettopp fordi jeg har blitt nødt til å tåle alt. Smerten inni meg kan ingen se, jeg sluttet å kutte meg og arrene mine vokste fint, nå kan nesten ingen se tegn på at jeg noen gang led. Savner jeg oppmerksomheten? Litt, men jeg hater oppmerksomhetssyke folk og personlig fikk jeg dårlig samvittighet for at ”jeg” og min ”forstyrrelse” tok så mye plass fra de rundt meg. Jeg ville skåne dem fra meg og utviklet en ny ”taktikk” som gjør at alle mine ”utbrudd” kommer når jeg er alene, når ingen kan se meg, dømme meg, dokumentere at jeg er ”forstyrret” fordi jeg vil være normal. Jeg har blitt så overraskende flink til å være normal at folk aldri tenker at jeg sliter med noe – det har vært det jeg har foretrukket. Men nå etter såpass mange år med terapi orker jeg ikke å leve i skjul lenger, å maskere hvem jeg er på grunn av skam for den jeg er kommer ikke til å fungere i lengden. Det har vært hendelser som har gjort meg redd meg selv igjen, redd for hva jeg kan gjøre, men jeg skal ikke, jeg vil egentlig ikke, jeg vil lære å kontrollere meg og jeg er på vei. Er det en ting jeg vil unngå så er det å være en byrde for familien min, jeg er lei av dette sporet jeg ikke klarer å komme ut av. Jeg er oppriktig lei meg for det jeg har gått gjennom som jeg aldri fikk lov til å være lei meg for. ”Tenk hvis” er ord som har brent seg fast i netthinnen. Jeg er så vanvittig lei av å sammenligne meg med andre, hvorfor skal egentlig dere være bedre enn meg? Jeg romantiserer nesten alle jeg treffer, alle er bedre eller har det bedre enn meg. Uheldigvis har jeg truffet mange menn som også har trykket meg langt ned, kalt meg umulig, komplisert og sagt til meg at folk som sliter psykisk er skumle. Hvis jeg skal få si en ting så er jeg ikke skummel, jeg har aldri gått inn for å såre noen eller skade noen. Den jeg skader er meg selv. Alle sliter med noe, alle har forskjellige personligheter og trekk som ikke nødvendigvis er så veldig nyttige. Alt jeg ønsker er å bli forstått og at en dag vil jeg klare å si til meg selv ” Det er ok å være deg, og ikke som alle andre”.

Trust in you

For those of you who’ve read my blog already know about me struggling with family issues. My family members have made it hard for me to trust after being lied to and let down many times, unfortunately I’ve brought this mistrust with me into my friendships and relationships. I’ve yet to find a partner. I must say I’ve been very unfortunate in that department. Some might look at me as a whore that only sleeps around, some whish they could let go and do the same. But that doesn’t really matters, what matters is that I too want to find somebody, I just haven’t come across a person that has made me trust. Most people I’m with open up a lot because I’m very open, for instance about my problems, and I understand. Some people might not talk so openly, as me, about so-called “problems” and keep it to themselves. And when they meet me, who’s also very curious, they open up.

I was talking to a friend to day and we were talking about this, that some people sometimes are desperate to talk to somebody about their issues, and when they meet a person that’s is open and honest they use the situation. I feel I’ve been used as a therapist by many people, and amongst them a lot of boys. In the end I felt like the man who had to listen and be understanding, and not really being listened to. My older sister said to me that I’ve got to ask less questions when I want to get to know people, so that they won’t open up so much. I guess maybe I should change, but I can’t help it, I’m very curious about people and their life, who they are as a person etc. But this has been a problem with every guy I’ve ever met when it gets a little bit serious, and especially when it comes to talking about our lives. They might say: My parents got a divorce. Then I say something about me: I was forced to stay with my dad every other weekend and wasn’t let out of the house until my mother picked me up on Sundays.  (This will be to not freak the person out with the rest of what I could’ve told him). Then they get the confused face, they’re either thinking: what do I say now, should I change the subject? Or “should I say something comforting?”, or they continue talking about themselves. I usually say I don’t need any advice because for me these are facts; it’s not anything I need to talk about.

I’m just tired of feeling used like a therapist. People who’ve actually been through something horrible don’t always want to talk about it or being used as a shrink. People automatically think we’ve got the strength to listen and listen, when sometimes we just need someone to be understanding. What we’ve been through will never leave us; we just have to learn how to live with it for the rest of our lives.

Suffering with your self

I randomly watched this somewhat cheesy American TV show Dr. Phil, and there was this anorexic girl on it and she was starving herself to death. After coping with a heavy depression and suicide attempts I know that what you’re feeling is often portrayed though other channels such as eating disorders, self-harm or just loosing control of your body. It was quite hard the intervention they had with the girl, but sometimes that’s what you need. I had it with myself, I was so sick and tired of the life I had it was either die or continue on an unknown path. I chose the last one. It was hard and it’s not something you can fix in an instant, but you can’t live on a diagnosis you have to continue without it and not define yourself as it. It’s easy to avoid reality when you have a disorder, but it’s not worth it and you’ll never become whole doing so.  I did so many things when I was a kid, I starved myself (I tried to be bulimic, but I was bad at it as I couldn’t force myself to throw up) I self-injured myself by cutting my arms sometimes legs, I ran away planning on living in the woods; I had lots of weird solutions to my “problem”. The problem was that I thought I was a bad person. My grandmother says bad things happen to bad people, so I believed it and blamed myself. But you reach a point where it’s make it or break it, and I made it. I realized that I had some people who believed in me and had my back, and they held me up while others tried to break me down. I’m not going to list the people that made my life miserable because I’m over it; I’ve cut them out of my life. Sometimes you’ve got to be harsh and kick out the bad (by not giving them a 100th chance) and let new people into your life.

Easter part 2

After my stay in Sevilla I went to Malaga with my Japanese friend. I stayed in Malaga one month in October November, so that’s how we met and she also stayed at my flat during Las Fallas. We saw the procession there too.

I wanted to see Alhambra and get new memories of it, not those of a horrible trip with my father. I went there alone because me friend had already been there three times. It was very nice, I needed to see some nature again, so I walked around and smelled the flowers. After my short stay in Malaga I went to Barcelona to meet my mother. I came early and got time before some friends were arriving.  My mother got there the next day so we ate dinner together after tying to buy tickets to the Barca game. It would have been cool to see.

With my mother we saw La Sagrada familia, which I saw three years ago so it was almost as i remembered it. We visited Parc Güell and Las ramblas and the Gaudí houses. When we arrived in Valencia we were both really tired. But we managed a little shopping trip and La ciudad de las artes. She really wanted to see the university so we did and took some funny pictures. And I wanted her to see the beach and try the Valencian paella.

When I met her at the airport I started crying I was sad and happy at the same time, and I ended up laughing butt he tears didn’t stop. It was weird. I didn’t cry when he left, but I was quite sad. I always leave her and I feel bad that I don’t study my whole bachelor in Norway. I constantly seek outwards and don’t feel comfortable there. But I’m giving it another go only a different university and city this time, maybe it’ll get better….

L for Live, L for Life

For many years I thought I was dead. I didn’t live the life I was meant to.  When you’re a child you have no control of what’s going to happen to you. And growing up with a psychopath doesn’t exactly leave your mental state very stable.  I was depressed, anorexic, suicidal and I self-harmed myself. I’ve been through most of the mental “illnesses”. A lot of people feel uncomfortable talking about psychological issues, and a lot don’t like to hear what is the reality for some people. I think people need to know. I’ve struggled for most of my life feeling I’ve been carrying a dark secret, a secret that society doesn’t like to talk about. Mine was being a victim of physical and emotional abuse.  I don’t like being pitied it kind of makes me angry, because by pitying me you make me a victim. And I’m not a victim. I found the courage to fight the injustice I was put through, and fight through the depression that came as a result of it.

While going to therapy a “friend” asked me, “Aren’t you going stop seeing your therapist soon? You seem fine” That’s when I found out that many still think depression is a disease, and a disease has a cure. Depression has no cure. You can look for it forever, but you’ll never find one. I’ve tried so many things, I’ve tried pills, I thought that if I just got a super best friend that it would solve it, or if I got a boyfriend or if I became a yoga teacher, the list goes on and on. A cure doesn’t exist. It’s like starting from scratch; you have to find out who you are, what you like, and what you want in life. Being purely egocentric, not letting the depression and emptiness take control. When you are in control of yourself, realizing you can’t change those around you, you start to mend the acing holes in your heart.

When I finally finished high school I realized I was actually in charge of my own life, I could do whatever I wanted. Nobody had the power to suppress me anymore. I kind of felt invincible, I had already reach bottom. What else could happen to me now? I guess I was a bit bold in the beginning, because I didn’t think of the consequences. I didn’t mind if something happened to me that would take my life. I never thought about growing old, doing what grownups do. I never thought life would be bearable. But reality has hit me, hard. By experiencing my grandfather die from cancer, my best friend and my substitute-dad, has in a way given me a lot of respect for death. Time is short, and personally I want to live it to the fullest. I just want to live my life, the way I want to live it.