Finding someone special

I’ve done something I didn’t think I would ever do. Well, I did it out of curiosity. I made a profile on a dating site. I was quite surprised that so many men contacted me. Many of them wrote on their profile that they’re shy, and I figured that it’s hard for them to make the first move. You also got some freaky pervert-people. A 62-year-old man contacted me, and I immediately blocked him. There are some risks, but also a lot to gain. I personally am quite tired of the whole going out thing, with drunk guys hitting on you, trying to hump your leg. Most of the girls I talked to about this subject tell me that they first sleep with a guy then maybe find them on Facebook, add them, chat with them, and then get their phone number so they can meet again. It’s a very long process. People decide for themselves what they want, but I like to do things differently. I’d rather have my integrity intact. I am very direct, some guys like it and others get frightened and feel intimidated. The last part saddens me a bit, because girls should be able to ask a guy out face to face. But it’s their loss, not mine.

My two best friends found each other on the Internet, and they’re very happy together. I don’t know why going online to find someone is still taboo. But I know many use it as a last resort. I must admit I’ve always been a bit sceptical, but I wont just sit on my ass waiting for Prince Charming to come along.

I saw this very funny movie some days ago, its called “What’s your number?”  You see the protagonist going through her exes trying to find her true love, yes that part is a cliché.  In the end she finds out that being in love means being yourself. I think that’s kind of true. A lot of people try to be perfect, something they’re not. You can’t really be anything but you, with the good and the bad. Either they like it or they don’t.



In an earlier post Girlism part 3 I told you I could never imagine myself posing naked, ever. Recently I was an extra in a movie. They first told me they needed extras in clothing. I came to the set and they needed me to be naked. First I was shocked, but they said I could wear a tank top and panties. I said okay.  Then they changed their mind and needed someone to sit on a bench and they would film that person naked from behind. My heart was racing and I discussed it in my mind, “I’m not ashamed of my body, and they’re going to film me from behind. And they’re also going to film my tattoo”. I said “Yes”. I even got a compliment afterwards; they said my ass looked very good on the bench.

While waiting I talked with some of the extras, some of them were nudists. It was kind of liberating talking about nudity. As a woman the female ideal is forced upon us and we feel inadequate. But we are different. We can not all fit one standard model. I think all body types are amazing, and nudity isn’t always sexual. It’s not like I get aroused seeing some guys penis. The whole situation made me look at my body in a new way. We’re all different and that’s wonderful. I’m happy I’m unique, and so are you!

Girlism part 3

I was quite surprised and happy when a friend told she could definitely model naked, because she’s proud of her body. I am proud to be a woman, but I must admit I’m not confident enough to show myself naked like that. It took me years to accept my figure, hips and ass, when all I saw was people stribing for an anorectic looking body. We’ve come a long way for woman rights, but we still got a way to go. This “Ideal woman”- campaign has to stop. Nobody’s perfect, why strive for something that you can’t achieve, and that isn’t you.  Be proud, not ashamed. Being a woman is great, we need to take a stand for what we represent and put all aspects of it in a positive perspective.

Girlism part 2

We used to hide our tampons. (We stopped using towels because it showed too much, or we thought it showed through our pants.) When going to the toilet to change you had to use as little time as possible, so nobody would suspect anything. It was awfully embarrassing dropping a tampon on the floor, in case anybody saw it. We used to put it in our pant-pocket and nonchalant cover it with our hand.  We girls are happy now when we can stop the process entirely and not getting pregnant. I use an Implanon, I can’t say I’m not happy because having menstruation is quite a messy business. One girl in my class told me her mother wanted to celebrate with champagne when she became a woman. In a way I think we deserve a celebration. I think its enough that we have to live up to the standards portrayed in magazines, being skinny, have hairless bodies, volumized luscious hair, pretend we don’t go to the toilet, and hide our womanhood (the fact that we get our periods).

tbc- to be continued

Girlism part1

I have this friend whom I use to discuss different subjects with, subjects or topics that people tend to shy away from. One time we talked about being a woman and why there are so many things we are ashamed of, like for instance our period. She recommended a book called The Red Tent, red representing blood. To be honest I just read the first chapter. It depicted the lives of women of the ancient Jewish tribes, their secrets and knowledge passed from generation to generation. This happened in the women’s tent. In a way it’s still like this today, the different aspects of womanhood are not to be heard by men. We still feel insecure about them knowing and thinking they might dislike us for it. I remember when at school my friends and me would use a codeword for our menstruation, “homework”. Every time one of us had their period we would say we had «homework» while asking for a tampon, if we forgot. My sister cried when she got her period and my mother (when she was younger) dreaded it for a whole year before she got it.


A desert flower that can never blossom

“Desert flower” is a movie about a model from Somalia. She was the first one to talk to the public about female circumcision. The movie touched me deeply. I cried during a scene where they show her as a three-year-old girl taken by her mother to the woman who cuts, removing her genitals and sewing her up. They didn’t show the exact procedure, but it was horrible seeing the young girl crying and screaming, and the bloodstain covering the rock. All this while her telling us how the birds ate the parts cut off.  After the procedure they sew them up to keep the virgins until their wedding night when the husband cuts them open, and I guess you know the rest. It must be excruciatingly painful. It’s a despicable act robbing women of their womanhood, their right to feel pleasure, and to give birth. We must be grateful for equality, but at the same time not to take it for granted. Not all women are as fortunate as us. Fight injustice against women!

One sex debate

Sometimes at the dinner table we get into heated discussions. This one didn’t end in conflict, because we all agreed on the subject. My sister asked us what party we’re going to vote for this September. My mother didn’t know, but I said I was sick and tired off all the political parties so I’ve decided I’m going to vote for the Environmental Party, The Green. They’re not so popular, but they think about the environment and not themselves. My sister just knew what parties she definitely did not want to vote for, and they were practically all of them.

I used to be a socialist, but now I don’t know. I’m not a big fan of their attitude “everybody has to work, (preferably for the government)”, “you are suppressed if you want to be a stay at home mom”, and “there are no genders, because we’re all the same”. And I find it kind of self-contradictory that they idolise dictators when they claim to fight for democracy. I’m not so fond of the right side of politics either. What the conversation ended up being about was the fact that we women conform ourselves into the behavioural patterns of men. We have to prove we’re equally worthy, that we can do what men can. That we can have high paid jobs and put family making on hold. Most women work in the health sector and those jobs are unfortunately underpaid. And I don’t like that those kinds of jobs get low status. Is striving for success a male thing? And do we all have to want that? If a female quality is caring and nurturing and that represents our sex, then we should be proud of that. We women have reached for the same opportunities as men and that’s been somewhat accepted, and its time to accept and respect what women have done for centuries. Raising children is a job, and it shapes the future of new generations. Caring for others is not a low status thing, it should be equal and be accepted as a career path. I’m very happy to see that men are starting to work in kindergartens and in the hospitals; children need male role models in a non-macho environment and to not grow up in a gender fight. I acknowledge differences between our sexes, but I would like to see the feminine qualities respected to the same extent as men’s. And does the world only need bachelor or master graduates?